I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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