My nipple is on Facebook.
Someone shit on the floor
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
