I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
