i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
