I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
