I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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