You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
