Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
