Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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