so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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