How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
