Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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