Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize