Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
