I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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