I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
