I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
