You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
