sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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