Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
