either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
