The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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