He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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