I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
