i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
