At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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