I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
