No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
