Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
