seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
