I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
