went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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