i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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