love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
