I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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