It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
