why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
