Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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