how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
