you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
