Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
