I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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