I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
