I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
