it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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