with your own penis?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
