Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
