Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
