the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
