I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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