I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
it wasn't lemon gatorade
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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