Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
