I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
