I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
