elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
