he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
