It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Come on in and take your pants off
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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