And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
