oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
