careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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