youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
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my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
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My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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