what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
