girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
